Dismiss, Delay, Decide
How to leverage the procrastination process to resist compulsions
Welcome to issue #002 of The OCD Guide. Each week, I send a field note to encourage those who are impacted by OCD and those who walk alongside them. To receive next week's note, consider subscribing below.
"Just don't do the compulsion."
It's a common refrain from frustrated parents and partners.
The self-version is this:
"I should just try harder to stop."
It's what I hear when people are at a loss for how to resist their compulsions.
They have the knowledge... (compulsions reinforce the OCD, they make the obsessional story feel more real, they teach all the wrong things, resisting them is essential for recovery) ...but knowledge is not enough.
There's a gap between knowing what's helpful and implementing what's helpful.
This gap is not just an OCD problem. It's a human problem.
How many of us have known that something is healthy but have had trouble implementing it?
Without knowing how to resist compulsions, most people just revert to sheer willpower ("try harder").
But a brute-force approach is too often a recipe for frustration, shame, and self-blame.
Most people don't just need knowledge and willpower. They need a plan that keeps them oriented, anchored and focused.
Dismiss? Delay? Decide.
Here's the first (and often only) strategy that I teach my clients:
Can you dismiss the urge to do your compulsion right now?
If not, how long can you delay the compulsion for right now?
Then, after the delay, decide to loop back around to Step 1 again. Keep looping.
Most of the time the urge fades.
Let's break this down in detail.
Step 1: Dismiss?
The urge to do a compulsion isn't always 10/10 intense.
It depends on the situation and the mood.
Sometimes the intensity is only 2/10. Sometimes the concern or emotion driving the compulsion isn't that strong. Some compulsions are relics of a previous OCD episode. Some are just done out of habit. Or "just in case".
These are low-hanging fruit.
Pick the low-hanging fruit.
The low-hanging fruit gets recovery started.
Resistance to the minor compulsions begins a positive spiral. It's activating and empowering. Resistance is a reminder of courage and hope.
Don't assume that you can't resist your compulsion.
Ask the question.
Can you dismiss this urge?
Step 2: Delay?
If you can't dismiss the compulsion (yet), then ask, "How long could I delay this for?".
Get specific. Pull out your phone and set a timer (it could be anything, 30 seconds, 3 hours). If you just delayed for 5 minutes, add 10! Or pick a little milestone in your day (until you reach the end of the street, until you finish a task, until you walk out of the bathroom, etc.).
The actual time doesn't matter. Everyone is different. What matters is that it's difficult but doable in that moment.
Move on with your day for a while. When you delay, don't "white knuckle" it, sitting there focusing entirely on the compulsion that you're trying to resist! That's only going to make the urge stronger. Instead, ask yourself: What would I be doing/thinking about right now if I didn't have an urge to do the compulsion? How do I move on with my day while I am doing this delay? How do I act, briefly, as if I don’t have OCD?
This isn't distraction. This is functioning as if you are recovered. It’s practicing recovery.
You’re in constant negotiation with OCD and delay is a tactic.
It changes the pace.
The pause gives you power.
Drag it out.
Demonstrate disinterest.
Walk away!
The OCD might not be gone just yet, but you've upset the status quo.
Step 3: Decide...
When the first delay period is up, decide to keep trying. Back to Step 1...
Step 1. Can you dismiss the urge to do your compulsion right now?
Sometimes a small pause was all that's needed. Other times, it will require several rounds delaying first.
Step 2. If not, how long can you delay the compulsion for right now?
The same amount of time again? Or can you stretch the interval?
Then loop.
This is a practice.
A few nuances
Be self-compassionate. Recovery from OCD isn't just about stopping compulsions. It's also about functioning in all areas of life. I put this in here so that you know that doing the compulsion is not a failure. There's no judgement here.
Don't expect it to work in every single situation, but do expect it to help. This strategy should be part of a broader therapy approach. It only tackles one component of OCD. Don't give up hope if there's still work to do.
If you need guidance implementing this approach, get professional support from someone with expertise in OCD.
The Procrastination Process
It's part of the human condition to know that something is unhelpful, but to still have trouble resisting it.
"Dismiss, delay, decide" helps with that implementation.
It's procrastinating the compulsions... until sometimes they never get done.
It’s is not a guaranteed algorithm for zero compulsions.
But it helps to switch off autopilot actions.
It builds the resistance muscle.
It helps to return to reality.
Dismiss, delay, decide.
Then loop. This is an upward spiral toward recovery.
The above is educational and doesn't take into account your situation. If you need support or advice, please discuss this with a mental health professional.
Therapist suggestions
Therapists, here are some common issues in implementation you might encounter.
Does this work in my therapeutic modality?
If you're using something with a good evidence base for OCD, then yes!
In Exposure and Response Prevention, this is a form of response prevention that might be well-suited to day-to-day experiences.
In Inference-based CBT, this is "pausing on the bridge" and returning to reality. Acting based on what you know (at its core: the compulsion only makes the story feel more real... don't go into the bubble!).
In Acceptance and Commitment therapy, this is a form of unhooking and doing what matters. It covers every part of the hexaflex.
My client says they keep delaying but the distress remains high.
Look for mental compulsions, substitute compulsions, safety behaviours, avoidance, or any other subtle internal response that still acts as if their "OCD story" is true. Acting as if it's true makes it feel more true. For example, someone might decide to delay washing their hands again but then they refuse to touch absolutely everything, or they're constantly mentally tracking contamination. This isn't really a delay. This is just shifting the compulsive behaviour. Remind them to respond, in both thought and action, as if the OCD wasn't there (at least for that delay interval).
My client delayed until bedtime! Then what?
Awesome! Bedtime is a great goal. The next goal is to delay until tomorrow. Typically the urge reduces even more. But if it also delays their sleep onset, and this affects their life more, you'll need to collaborate with them to figure out whether this approach is still suitable or needs adapting.
Awesome advice, I love your perspective. In my own treatment process, a gradual approach to response prevention was key, and delaying was a big part of that. It saddens me that many people with OCD get understandably scared off from ERP when they are told to immediately immerse themselves in intense exposures while attempting to suddenly eliminate all compulsive behavior. That more intense approach may work well for some, but for me, the approach you describe is much more compassionate and effective in the long-term.